Burn me alive…

I know the truth, that love burns, leaving marks on your skin and heart. Surely someone would notice that I’m a human flame made out of broken skin and bone. The constant burning, it feels like I’m dying of fire in a world filled with Ice. What do you do when your life is over? When you’re stuck in Once upon a time while everyone else is living happily ever after?

I want to know the answer to that question. When your family is broken, a shroud of what it was.

I want  to know what I’m supposed to do. How am I supposed to be happy being alone? How can I pretend that everything’s alright?

I know the physical pain. But eventually all of that will fade away until it’s only a dream. What about the other kinds of pain? Where it hurts so much to breathe, to think, to feel? That you want to stop it all.

I know that they call me a harpy, a bitch, an ice queen. And all of that is true. But do they even understand why? Do they understand what it’s like to be betrayed by two people you loved? No. I still love them, even if it hurts but sometimes love is suppose to hurt. I know no one else understand that. That love isn’t supposed to be beautiful and perfect. It’s supposed to hurt; it’s supposed to be this intense agony that makes you almost insane. It’s supposed to make your heart bleed until there’s nothing left.

Sometimes I think it’s worse that they know what I think. Because to make everything worse, I have to be around the people I hate/love all the time? That they can feel my pain yet they ignore it.

I wonder why love is supposed to be so fucking magical. I’ve had enough of magic; I just want my life back. I think there must be women before me who know the truth, that love burns, leaving burn marks on your skin and heart invisible to everyone. That love not only affects the woman but everyone else connected to her.

This is why I’m like this. The constant burning, it feels like I’m burning to death. But surely someone would notice that I’m a human flame made out of broken skin and bone. Of course they don’t because they can’t see it, can’t feel the heat that licks away my skin. That made me someone else.

I wasn’t always like this; on fire. I used to be pretty, use to be normal, use to be like ice. But now I’m on fire and ice does nothing to help.

I wonder if it will ever cool? If I’ll be ice someday again in a world filled with fire.

I want to be blind, and deaf that way I’ll never see their happiness but I’ll know it. I’ll always know it.

But mostly I wonder when I’ll get a happy ending, where my castle isn’t in flames, where the happy couples don’t watch as I scream for help.

Cover my eyes,

Cover my ears,

Tell me these words are a lie…

~ by angstrazedarmies on November 21, 2008.